one might say we're banned from that church
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
