Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My feet surprised me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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