Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
