turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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