Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
im six kinds of drunk right now
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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