he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
