I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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