I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
