I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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