Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
