btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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