we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
