when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
