You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
