Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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