What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
