If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
