We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
