I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.