I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
