I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.