no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
