im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
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