I showed him my bush... on skype.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize