I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
