i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
