VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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