I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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