It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
