Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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