If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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