I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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