you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
