What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
