wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
