96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
