He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
