I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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