I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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