U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
third nipple confirmed
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
