isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
