Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
