Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
