Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
