She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
