Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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