i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
