that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
