I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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