I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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