You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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