Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
