I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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