the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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