im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You made out with two different species that night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
