I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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