my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
