i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
