yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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