I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think my moral compass just broke
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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