So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize