the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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