Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
In America we eat man semen.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize